This Charming Life
by rose3290
Summary: I look at the clock its 4:50 I am so going to be late. That's what I think as my mom steps out of the car 4:52 I hear her cry out, as I turn to look at her I hear a crack like a firecracker and at 4:57 I know my life will never be the same again as I see blood pool into my line of vision.
1. Chapter 1

In my dreams I see him. It's weird because I should be scared of this imposing man with the white hair and positively manic grin, but I'm not. I feel safe, happy and loved, then I wake up.

"Cade, Cade it's time to wake up. Now!" I'm rudely pulled from my dream by the dulcet tones of my crazy mother, I know what you're thinking and the answer is no. No I do not sleep in a broom cupboard, closet, or on the floor. My mother does not drink, do drugs or whore herself or I out. We are as my best friend Susannah reminds me insanely perfect. The only thing that's missing is my dad. Mom says were better off without him although I do in her words get my "stubborn personality, and attitude from him, thank god I look like her."

I look at the alarm clock 4:35 am, god help me, I rollout of my bed groaning over the effort to pull my sore muscles out of my nice, warm, dry pillow like bed and think I love my room. That's my first thought every morning. It is perfect for me from the mute purple- gray walls to my snow white plush carpeting I can sink my feet into, the darker purple curtains betray what my mind already knows, and yup it's still dark. I turn to the mirror and frown as my eyes spot the only messy part of my room my desk. Overflowing with AP textbooks and ice cold cups of coffee I remind myself to clean up and pack up before I go downstairs. I hate mess. It's definitely something I get from my mother. Scuffling into my bathroom I shiver and eye my still wet bathing suit in distaste shimmying into it I shiver as the dampness raises my longing for my bed from desire to need. I move back into my room more awake now that I'm cold and annoyed stuffing my legs into my LBHS maroon sweats and a white crop top exposing the middle of my favorite uglies bathing suit the multi colored slinky design always makes me feel better about spending two hours in the outdoor pool at my high school in the fall when my club team uses it. I throw my long hair back into a bun cursing my mom for refusing to let me cut it, it is down to my ass. I pull my gray floral sheets up to my bed whining a little as I know that I'm not going back to bed now. I take my cream comforter with the lace cutout in the middle strong-arming my honors and AP textbooks into my favorite Michael Kors bag I stumble over my violet speedo swim bag as I move to put my headphones in my ears cursing myself in the process for falling in love with a sport that meant my hair was always fried with chlorine, I was awake before the sun most days and my entire life revolved around cutting my 1000 time down from 9:05:02 to 8:50:49 in time for the U.S. open trial period starting in March. It was September, my main goal for the next 6 months revolved around dropping 12 seconds in one of my three races. It was insane but I loved it.

I rolled into the car where my mom had a travel mug filled with coffee waiting for me this is my routine, my constant all of a sudden I am jolted out of my thoughts as we are rear ended. My mom curses I look at the clock its 4:50 I am so going to be late. That's what I think as my mom steps out of the car 4:52 I hear her cry out, as I turn to look at her I hear a crack like a firecracker and at 4:57 I know my life will never be the same again as I see blood pool into my line of vision.

Startled and totally awake I hold my breath reverting to the tried and true toddler method if I can't see them then they can't see me either. At 14 you would think that I would know better but I am ridiculously surprised that I am wrong when I see the men in the black hoodies come around the front of the car.

"Hello little girl." The accent surprises me and to my dismay I automatically turn to face the man speaking. He looks like a rat is my first thought. The long narrow face, sunken eyes and protruding nose irrationally remind me of the rats that we dissected in biology this year. His close cropped dark hair with the healthy dose of gray do nothing to relieve this and makes me even more nervous, like if he was doing this then he knew what he was doing and I was screwed.

"Hi." I replied shut up shut up shut up my subconscious told me don't speak to the crazy man holding a gun on you, who just shot your mother. I was shaking, but part of me believed this was a dream that I was going to wake up and be able to crawl into my mom's bed like I did when I was little and had a nightmare. "You're going to be very useful to me Cadence." "Out of the car." I stumbled over myself spilling coffee and shaking as a black bag is thrust over my head.

Breathe, just breathe and you will be okay.

Clay

Watching Jax fall apart over Abel made me think for the first time in a while about my child. I wondered who she was, what she looked like now. I hoped she still looked like her mother. Ava was beautiful I hoped my daughter was more like her than she was me, she must be 13 by now. Her name was Everley. I dug into my private stock at the house after handing Jax over into the capable hands of Tara finding the picture her mother sent when she graduated preschool. Her dark brown hair long and straight inquisitive gray eyes and 100 watt smile. I felt simultaneous pangs of regret; that I did not get to know her or hold her like I had Abel and relief that I would never know how Jax was suffering.

The house was so quiet without Gemma, and there was no way that I was going to take off that fucking bird's cover while she was gone. Flipping on the TV as I moved to grab a beer I heard something about a woman murdered and a missing 14 year old in Orange County. I glimpsed the pictures of the scene and made out white, brunette female. I scoffed to myself knowing that the manhunt for this girl because she was young, white, and law abiding would be instantaneous whereas all Abel had was the MC, I hoped that the girl was dead in a ditch somewhere. It seemed impossible to me that anyone other than Abel deserved to have the whole world looking for them.

Sleeping without Gemma was always hard, but having her on the run with Tig and not knowing about Abel and irrationally Everley made this night harder. Somehow I had a feeling that the hits were going to keep on coming.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the second chapter please let me know what you think!**

"Wake up! Now!"

I can't believe I slept it's my first coherent thought. The next is that I'm definitely going to get a yeast infection as I feel the straps of my suit cutting into my circulation and the stiffness of the dry suit that means I've been in it too long. I look around in disgust at my surroundings a dirty dingy basement. In the corner I notice a pile of blankets moving and just pray that it's my imagination. I hear a whimper from the blankets and see a little fist. "Why do you have a baby?" I ask for my curiosity I get a backhand across the mouth and I cry out as I fall to the floor. My mouth is numb but full and I spit blood out into the palm of my hand thanking god I didn't lose a tooth. It starts to set in for me that this is not a dream and I am not waking up. Tears start to pool in my eyes, my mom, my life it's all over. I start to feel myself hyperventilating and quickly shut it down.

Focus I coach myself, focus on what you can control what you can do. Think I tell myself like those god forsaken drills coach Mel makes us run, the ladders 100, 200 300, 400, 500, 500, 400, 300, 200, 100. Over and over the more you moaned the more sets he added. You don't think about the next item, the next lap, you go into tunnel vision, thinking about hitting that last wall hard, giving yourself as much time to breathe as you can before you start again because you only get 10 seconds between 100's. So you don't think about the fire engulfing your lungs or the water you choke on as you slice through the water. Your body overheating as you cut through the pool your thighs burning as you kick out racing against the clock. You think about the reward getting to the kick set, getting to the cool down. I shut down my emotions and pick what my goal is to stay alive to see the end of this, and be able to visit my mom's grave. As I look down at the little blond haired blue eyed baby staring up at me from the basket, I promise myself that he will make it out alive as well.

I look to see the man who hit me, it's not the rat faced one. He looks like a less jacked version of Mr. Clean. Wiping his hands on a handkerchief do guys really still use those things? I feel my face paling as I watch him wipe my blood out from under his rings. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I don't know what I am apologizing for just that I need to pacify them. "You're going to be a good girl now, aren't you?" I nod as the rat faced man pets me like a dog. I bristle on the inside but outwardly let my eyes fill with tears pleading contrition.

"I'm Jimmy."

"Hi." I whisper softly. "Stand up, hold this." Jimmy shoves a newspaper in my hand it's from the San Joaquin County a town called Charming. It sounds straight out of a fairytale but on the front page I see what looks like a drive by shooting at "Is that a funeral parlor?" I ask mortified at the picture. "Shut up and look at me." I do as I'm told "say your name for the camera,"

"Cade..."

"Your full name." "I never use it," my protest fades out as Mr. Clean pulls a gun on me "Everley Cadence Morrow Gaffney." The red light on the camera was slightly hypnotizing to me as I worked myself into autopilot. "Who's your dad?" the question startled me. These people knew my full name, which even my grandparents didn't but they didn't know my father? "I don't know I've never met him."

"I have," I turn to see who is talking behind me and stare up at this man who has to be at least a foot taller than my 5'4 frame and definitely outweighs me by a good 150 pounds, it made me more nervous though to recognize that that was all muscle weight. I got the feeling that something awful was going to happen to me then. As I looked him up and down I noticed he had major scaring on the side of his face and both his arms and a swastika tattoo right on his chest. "Thank god you don't look like Clay, kid." "That's my dad's name, clay?" I whisper as my eyes follow his every move as he stalks around me in a circle.

I want to think that the baby felt my discomfort as he started to cry which is exactly what I wanted to as I realized he had taken his shoes off, and was moving to touch me. I was petrified frozen in place as he ran his hand down my arm giving me Goosebumps. "Take your hair down," he ordered me. I looked behind the camera to Jimmy wondering what he was going to let this man do to me. He nodded his head and I started to shake as I did what I was told. "How old are you Cadence?" Jimmy asked me "fourteen" I responded looking to the giant who was still looking at me like I was dinner. I thought that would turn him off of me but apparently it excited him even more. My heart dropped into my stomach as I watched him take his shirt off and remove a knife from his pocket.

"Lay down," I start to whimper as I comply with his request focusing on one breath at a time. I look towards the little baby wishing he wasn't watching me. It's stupid but I felt like I was corrupting him. I don't know why they are filming this but I hope it puts them all in jail for rape. He takes the knife and slides it underneath the top of my shirt and into my bathing suit I watch silently as he slices through my suit exposing my pubescent body to the world. At fourteen I'm not stacked nor am I supposed to be. Carmen would always joke that I had strawberries for boobs and she had apples. I never really cared to be honest. I didn't see the perks of having huge boobs but feeling him put his hands on my chest and literally be able to hold my entire upper body in his two hands made me feel small and breakable and irrationally I wished for bigger tits. He picked the knife up again and suddenly I was not in my body anymore. I floated above him as he continued to cut my bathing suit and sweatpants off leaving me naked on a bed of my own ripped up clothes. I floated away from my own body my eyes glazed over and as the man stood over me and pulled his pants down he smacked me across the face.

I was thrust back into my body and as I looked at him he stared at me with cold dead eyes and said "nothing personal, your dads fucked me over too many times for me to pass on this." With one thrust I lost my virginity and any hope I had left.

Clay

Waking up in the morning the first thing I felt was my aching hands. I missed my wife for many reasons her being the only one who could shoot my hands up was not usually in the top 10 but today it was. Groaning I massaged them as I got out of bed opening the door for my paper I saw an unmarked package lying on top of my paper. I was curious bringing them both in and flipping through the paper for any sign of reports on Abel I was disgusted that there wasn't and also relieved because it gave me more time and freedom to find him on my own. Flipping the package open a falls out with please watch typed onto the label. Feeling like the other shoe is dropping on him now Clay puts the DVD into the TV and presses play.

As the screen turns I am looking at Ava. A young Ava and feel like I rode my bike into a brick wall. This isn't Ava its Everley.

"Say your name."

"Cade."

"Your full name."

As I watch her stare into the camera. Answering Jimmy's questions I now know how Jax feels. I want to hold her and save her from this, she looks numb. I can't help but wonder what she is really like when she's not scared for her life. I see Darby move into the frame behind her my hackles raise as that Nazi prick smiles while looking at my flesh and blood and I know that I am going to kill this sick freak

"it's nothing personal your dads fucked me over too many times for me to not take advantage" For the first time in a long time I felt regret for my actions, my choices and how they were playing out on my kid. I watched rage engulfing me as he raped my girl, watched her cry and felt like the most horrible person in the world. When she stopped crying and just stared at the camera as if begging me to save her I felt worse. As he started to beat her I almost threw my fists through the TV.

Tears started to pour down my face as I watched Darby pull out of her and saw the blood glistening on her thighs. I promised myself that I would save her from all this.

Pulling out my phone I started calling the club getting everyone to the clubhouse for church in a half hour. I knew that dropping all this history on my brothers especially Jax was going to make their heads spin, but I had no choice this was my fault and like Jax I was desperate to fix it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay so this is the third chapter, I really would appreciate a lot of feedback. I am trying to make sure cade and clays voices sound similar but not exactly the same. The timing is third season and I've been re-watching it so bear with me.**

Chapter 3

Clay

Sitting at the head of the table seeing all my brothers looking at me I was scared, scared to spill one of my most personal secrets.

"15 years ago on a run I knocked up a sweet but. At the time she was in Nevada and I had just moved in with Gemma." Looking at the table I could feel Jax stiffen next to me. "It was right after you and I nearly came to blows after you found me sitting in JT's spot at the table smoking his Cubans. Doesn't really matter now I guess." I mumbled to myself. "Her name is Ava," I said my voice a little stronger determined to finish the story "she contacted me to tell me that she was pregnant, it was a girl, and she was going to name her Everley and to not try and find them."

My voice shook as I continued. "So I didn't, thanked my blessings that I did not have to come clean to Gemma and moved on, until this morning." Looking at Jax I continued " I know this is the last thing you need right now son, but the Irish found my kid, those pricks sent me a DVD of her being raped by Darby."

"Jesus Christ brother." Chibs was the first one to speak, "she's what 14 now then." "Yeah" I responded watching Jax needing him to speak, to tell me he understood what I was asking the club to do. "You want to find her, over Abel." Jax spoke for the first time looking at me with a cold stare in his eye.

"No" I spoke quietly, "the Irish have her, and the Irish have Abel. I want to find them both." "What about Darby?" Tig asked, "Please tell me we get to kill that guy." "Darby is dead." I say slamming my hand down on the table in frustration. "We need him to tell us where the kids are first though. Set a meeting with that prick." I nod to Tig dismissing him from the table, and watch my brother's reactions to the news I had dropped. I looked to Bobby, "have you talked to Rosen about those charges?" Bobby looks at me "No witnesses are coming forward to testify against us, but the federal gun charges are going to give us major time. With our past were looking at 10-15 years."

Feeling the weight of the club on my shoulders makes me want to slouch in the seat and hand the gavel to Jax. Let him be president for a while. Getting a grip I sit up in the chair, and focus on what we need to do as a club.

"We'll deal with that later, what's the latest Intel from the Irish?" Chibs sits up and says "they're saying they don't have the boy."

"That's bullshit, Tara saw Hayes take Abel." "We know Jax, we know." Bobby put his hand on Jax's shoulder "calm down brother. We'll get him back." "Get back on the horn with the Irish. Ask them about Everley." I tell Chibs "don't let on about that video. We need to know if they are going to string us along about Everley too.

Pounding the gavel to end church, everyone moves at once, leaving chapel into the main room of the clubhouse I see chucky turning the channel on the TV.

"stop." I tell Chucky, he and all the guys turn to look at me confused, "that's Everley."

Moving closer to the T.V. I reach out as if that'll bring her to me. Playing is what looks like a home video of a swim meet, my kids a swimmer? The video finishes and zooms in on the scoreboard, or whatever and I hear what must be Ava cheering as I see a 1 and 4:15:99 flash across the screen. The camera pans back down and I see a body shaking hands over the ropes and floating backwards in the pool. The video cuts out and I see Savannah Guthrie's face

_That was then 13 year old Cadence Gaffney after qualifying as a scholastic all American swimmer. Yesterday morning around 4:30 am Cadence now 14 was abducted from her mother's car. Cadence's mother Ava was shot. Cadence's grandparents made a plea yesterday at the Laguna Beach police station. _

My heart stopped, that girl I wished dead on the news last night was Everley? I felt sick to my stomach hoping Jimmy wasn't going to honor my silent and irrational wish. Tuning into the T.V I see what must be Everley's grandmother

_Cadence is such a bright happy person, she is our light. Please we beg of you whoever took her please bring her home. _

The video cut back to Guthrie's face as she acted appropriately sad for Everley. "Well I hope they find her soon. Now the question on everyone's mind when are Brad and Angelina getting married? A new…"

"Turn that shit off." I was livid. Moving out of the clubhouse I called for Bobby and Juice "I want you to head to Orange County. I'll be up after I deal with Darby I want to see the scene for myself."

Tig came up to me, "can't find Darby."

"What, where is that prick" Tig looked nervous, "I don't know man, maybe he's still with the Irish."

"Clay," Chib came up to me. "The Irish say Jimmy's gone rouge in regards to your girl. They gave me an address."

"Let's go get my girl than." Smiling wolfishly I call out to the guys. "Let's go!" running to my bike as my brothers fall in behind me I feel good. Feel like I'm back where I am supposed to be with a purpose.

"GODDAMMIT!" moving I kick out at a bunch of rocks outside the warehouse where Everley was held. "Clay, calm down." Jax moves to me, "I'm going to give you the same piece of advice that you gave me; either Everley is dead and you want revenge or she's alive and you'll do anything to get her back." "Jax Clay come here." We turn and see Opie running towards Jax with something in his hand.

Jax's face goes pale as he turns to Opie than I watch him melt in relief. In Opie's hands is a hat, with the SAMCRO emblem on it and a baby bottle. "Abel's alive. Thank god." My heart is pounding in my chest as I watch Opie hand me a torn bathing suit, white top and red sweatpants.

I smile and put my hand on his shoulder relieved that my grandson is still alive. "This is what Everley was wearing." I say to myself. "She was here." "Jimmy knew we was comin'. It's the only way he gets them out of there that fast." "Call them back, tell them that we know they have Abel as well and want our god damm kids back!"

I looked at the dingy warehouse where my daughter got raped and sprayed dirt as I started the drive to Orange County.

I burnt rubber and made the five hour drive in three. I didn't understand what I was going to find in Laguna but it was the last place she was, and I wanted to see what her life was like. Looking behind me I saw Tig, Bobby and Jax keeping pace.

Looking around I saw a beach town that looked like they had never seen an MC in its little history. Driving around I found lots of signs and purple ribbons wrapped around trees, telephone poles, and street lamps. Signs saying "Find Cade" or "we miss you" Laguna was bigger than it looked though I couldn't seem to find anything that would point me in the direction of her house.

"Clay" I turned to see Jax motioning to pull over.

"What" I said after getting off my bike, "the high school is right over there, I bet the kids stop here a lot on their way home, let's go inside ask some questions see if we can't get an address."

"Better be you pretty boy," Bobby said nosing his way into the conversation. "Any of us go asking questions about a missing fourteen year old we'll be hauled into the police station for questioning."

"Alright." Waiting for Jax to come back from scoping out the restaurants and stores along the road right by the high school was the longest thirty minutes of my life, because I was worried about my kid, but the cops standing across the street didn't help matters.

"Can we help you gentlemen?" I looked over my glasses at the guy and juice spoke up "we are just passing through waiting on a buddy to get back with some coffee."

"What's with all the ribbons and signs?" I asked the cop seeing if I could get information that wasn't on the news out them.

"They're for Cadence Gaffney, her mom was murdered and she was abducted two nights ago." That's awful shit. What about her dad" "Mom was a single parent. She raised that little girl right to, always polite and a hard worker; it's such a shame." I felt a strange sense of relief that when I found Everley, I couldn't refer to her as Cade she had been Everley for the last thirteen years to me there wasn't a stepdad to fight for custody. Any place where she can be kidnapped from is clearly not the neighborhood I want my kid in.

I was also concerned about what Ava had been up to for the past fourteen years. Ava had been new to the MC lifestyle, not yet going the way a lot of the sweet butts did. Looking old beyond their years using drugs and being passed around to any guy willing. It's one of the reasons I chose her. She never stuck me as dumb, but I knew she wasn't going to school or anything so how was she raising my kid? "Do you have any leads on who would take her?"

"Were following up on a few leads." The cop said, at that moment Jax came out of the store and nodded at me.

"Well have a nice day fellas." I turned to my bike "I-91 is four miles that way, have a safe trip out of Laguna." Smirking at my brothers, about the cop's arrogance Bobby grabbed my arm, "not the time or the place brother."

"Cadence" "Everley." Jax and I had a stare-down over the names. "Fine Everley lives about 10 minutes away on a street called Lands cove."

My whole body felt bruised "mother Mary, why would ya do that." "Father- no father, of course father."

"That fucking priest. He's gonna rat on us to SAMCRO about the girl when they call him. We got to move the children tonight."

"What about the baby?"

"Clay and Jax aren't stupid they'll know if I got one and you another, we're moving now."

I'm roughly shaken awake by Jimmy and see another new face behind him carrying a bag and the baby. "Here" Jimmy throws me my own bags, for a split second my heart races in excitement at the thought of my cell phone and tablet, only to find they're not there. The smirk on Jimmy's face is enough to make me want to punch him "get dressed."

I shakily sit up, god my whole body aches, but I my pelvic area is throbbing. I grab the clothes I packed for school cursing myself for picking an outfit to attract Brian's attention instead of a sweatshirt eight sizes too big for me. The brises on my body stand out in sharp contrast to my white skin making me totally self-conscious as I duck under the tarp they covered me with I blanche at the sight of all the blood on my thighs using my sweatpants to rub it off as best as I can before I slide on socks and underwear and my skinny jeans ripped at the knees. Climbing out from my little cave I almost cry as I see the teeth marks on my breasts, he bit me. I pull my white halter top on and slip into my black knit shrug. Shuffling slowly to my feet I move as if I am an arthritic old lady.

"Jesus who did that to her?" new man asks "Someone who hates SAMCRO more that you friend." I brace myself as new man takes a step toward me, "don't." I say my voice much stronger than I feel. Standing I slip into my favorite black coach sneakers. Turning I catch my reflection in a window and don't recognize myself. My face resembles raw hamburger meat, my hair is standing on end like I stuck my finger into an electrical socket. My arms are riddled with handprints and bite marks and I want to die.

The baby starting to cry pulls me of the metaphorical edge "take him." I truly see the baby for the first time. He has such a sweet face, blue blue eyes golden lashes that look invisible and soft downy blonde baby hair. He looks around five months old and I must have passed some unknown test because he snuggles into my arms, nestling his head into my chest. Rooting that's what it's called. The new man rips the hat off his head, it's a cotton one with a grim reaper and the acronym SAMCRO on it, replacing it with a navy blue knit one with a white pom-pom on. I look at him. "How are we getting her into Ireland? I got a passport for the baby but her face is a mess." "I got it covered, she's too hot to forge a passport for anyway. Her face has been on every newspaper since I took her two days ago."

Ireland, I started to panic again No one was looking for me in Ireland, I will die in Ireland. I grip the baby tighter "He's hungry," I say loud enough to get the men's attention. They spare me a glance and the new man shoves a bottle with formula at me "what's his name?" I whisper the new man looks at me and whispers "Abel." Jimmy starts to pick up all the camera equipment, leaving the SAMCRO hat all my clothes and turns to me saying "let's go."

I plant my feet firmly. If I ever want to be found alive I have to stay in California. I'm not even Irish I know that if I leave California my whole life as I know it ends. No one will ever find me and I will die in the land of perpetual rain, drunks, and really annoying accents.

Looking at the baby I realize exactly what they have done, weak as I am I can barely walk, handing me the baby was akin to chaining me to Jimmy's legs for all that I could do, nothing would save both of us and leaving him behind was unthinkable. Taking a last good look at the room I'm in I realize in the light of day that it's a warehouse, like an old barn not a basement, moving into the sun Jimmy takes Abel from me my attempt to keep him with me an epic failure. My arms were too weak to keep him to me. "Here's the rest of your shit, make yourself presentable."

Moving into the car I notice that there are no windows in the back, just two benches against the walls, and no seat belts. Two hours later my hair is in two French braids, neater but not much. My bruises haven't disappeared but the caked on makeup I applied makes them look older. Warily I watch through the windshield Abel in a basket between my legs and my heart drops we are at what looks like a private airfield, but not for like rich people for shipping purposes. He must have a plane ready.

Jimmy turns to look at me, "not a word." I nod my head and pick up Abel. As we step out I notice security cameras and make sure to stare right into them. I shift Abel in my arms so his face is visible as well. I slowly walk after Jimmy and the other man towards "no, "I whimper "please no I'll be good I promise." Moving towards Jimmy I beg "please don't lock me in there."

"Move!" he snaps at me as he shoves Abel and I into the shipping container. Tears silently pour down my face. "Here's the shitter," pointing to a bucket in the corner "bed, diapers, water, food." Turning in a circle following Jimmy's finger he looks at me hands me my bag and drops a flashlight and lantern on the bed.

He looked at me, "I have this whole place under surveillance, so don't think about trying anything." Nodding in understanding I cling to Abel like a safety blanket watching as Jimmy moves out of the container. I put Abel on the bed and quickly turn on the flashlight as the container door shuts behind Jimmy leaving us blind. I don't know how long we are going to be in here as Abel starts to cry I search my bags for inspiration. Putting the flashlight on the floor pointing straight up I cuddle him to me and start to sing Kenny Chesney's there goes my life. It's kind of pervese because the boy in the song did the exact opposite of what my dad had done. Stayed. It calmed Abel down though and he snuggled into me and fell asleep. I lay down with him sleeping on my chest.

As soon as I am down I hear what sounds like chains encircling the contained as it lifts us up and drops us down onto pulleys or something because we are rolling up to somewhere. All ofa sudden we stop.

I am on a plane headed to a foreign country in a shipping container with a baby. I close my eyes and promise myself this is the one time I will do it, thinking back on my life as of 72 hours ago I say goodbye.

Goodbye to my grandparents who loved me but also resented me for not allowing my mother to reach her full potential in medical school, not that she wanted to go. My best friends Susannah and Carmen who were amazing and fun but a little scary and impulsive with boys and life in general. My coaches who pushed, prodded and pulled me into being a champion but won't get to reap the full reward. My school where I spent most of my time observing the action instead of getting into it. My beautiful, sweet, wonderful mother whose whole life revolved around me. Finally tears streaming into my ears, Abel rising and falling with my heaving chest. I said goodbye to Cade. Cade was happy, she was innocent her only concern was dropping 12 seconds and she had never been raped. Cade was dead now, whomever I had to become to survive this I knew that I would never be Cade again.


	4. Chapter 4

Clay

Parking in front of the two story white adobe home, with a clear Spanish influence I'm surprised and impressed at what Ava accomplished for herself. Looking at all the flowers, candles and pictures seeing the life that she built for herself and my kid kind of pissed me off, that she didn't need me and grateful that she wasn't turning tricks to raise her.

Walking the path staring at pictures of my kid I felt a kick in the gut at how happy she looked, how content and realized my life had taken that from her. Swaggering around to the back of the house following Jax as he jimmied the lock on the back sliding glass door. Stepping into the open floor plan of the main level I turn and see pictures of my kid, the one I was sent when she graduated preschool followed with what looked like kindergarten, elementary school and middle school. Moving into the kitchen I get shivers as I realize the coffee is still in the pot, dishes are still in the sink and a note from Ava to Everley is on the message board on the fridge.

_Cade, _

_Hope practices went well today! Remember to study for your bio exam! Call me when you come home and I left your favorite pesto pasta in the fridge for a snack. I'll be home around 7:30 to feed you. Remember you are the best thing in my world! I love you baby!_

_Mommy._

Leaving the kitchen I move towards the stairs leading up to the bedrooms walking into my daughter's room I'm shocked by how clean she is. Definitely doesn't get that from me. Moving to the back wall I see all of her trophies, ribbons and pictures. Looking at the pictures of her in the pool with her team, her coaches, her friends I feel like an invader in her life. Turning I spot myself in the mirror and almost do a double take.

"Clay," I turn and Bobby walks in "we should take some stuff for her."

"Okay, what is she going to need?" I start to open drawers, and know that I am out of my element when all I see is underwear and swimsuits. Grabbing a duffel bag I spotted under her bed I start dumping drawers in left and right, as I'm leaving the room passing the bed I spot a teddy bear and blanket hidden underneath the pillows grabbing them all and stuffing them into a bag I move out of the room. I hear a scream, turning I spot the woman on the news staring at me as if she's seen a ghost.  
"Dammit," I whisper turning to face her as I get slapped across the face. "I knew this is your fault. First you get my daughter pregnant and ruin her life and then you get her murdered and my granddaughter kidnapped!" Looking up I see Jax and the guys staring at me.

"She wanted to keep the baby." I started. "Yes she did but if you had been able to keep it in your pants then she would have gone to medical school and married a doctor and not have had her life end at 19."

Watching this woman rage against me for everything that her daughter's life had become because of my daughter I made a decision "Well if she ruined your life when we find her, she'll be coming back to me." I leer at my daughters grandmother watching as her face moves through so many emotions finally settling on proud. "Good it's about time you took your responsibilities on and raised this girl, where am I shipping her stuff?"

Cade

I wake up to my ears popping and thank god that were in the air finally. Abel starts to fuss and I lay him on the bed turning the lantern on and moving to where Jimmy marked the bottles. Quickly as Abel's cries reach maximum pitch I make a bottle with the formula and trip back to him. Giving him the bottle I sigh in relief when no one comes to investigate the container and Abel quiets down. I wish he was older, just so that he could talk. Being stuck in my own head sucked big time and it seemed like I had a long flight to figure it out.

An eternity later we start to descend and I have relived my rape exactly 50 times in excruciating detail. As the container is taken off the plane I wait. Watching the flashlight burn out and keeping my eyes locked on the wall where I knew the container door sat.

"Here they are, father." As the door cracked open I felt hope a priest. He will help me, I will go home. "I'll take the boy, I owe a debt to his grandfather. Jimmy take the girl sell her to the highest bidder. See what she gets."

My hope turns to dust, he was going to sell me I had seen enough dateline specials to know what that meant. I was going to be a sex slave. "Is that wise father, she is Clay Morrow's daughter. He is coming for her." I never thought I would feel thankful to Jimmy. "If we want to use them for our advantage we need the children away." The priest responds. I want to cry I don't want to be sold, I also don't want to be separated from Abel. Waiting for these two men who don't care about me to decide my fate was frustrating but I didn't know how to make them do what I wanted, I also didn't know what I wanted.

"Sell her and we never get her back. Let's put her into Nenas, then we can give her back when you are ready." Jimmy looked at me, "you saw the tape. I wouldn't mind getting her under me as well."

I'm mortified, how many people have seen that tape I want to curl into a ball and die. The priest is staring at me, "clean her up, and then let me see her."

As Abel is ripped from my arms I cry out "No, don't please I don't want to go to Nenas or whatever I promise I will be good and take care of Abel, please I don't want to be sold." Breaking down I collapse into myself, as I look up Jimmy smacks me across the face.

Picking me up he whispers into my ear "Nenas is a brothel, in Belfast where your father can find you. I will be your first customer and we will return you to him used and worthless, but you will return, fight father Kellan and you will be sold to Russia and die after having despicable things done to you." I stiffen and look at him. Talk about a rock and a hard… oh I don't want to go there after feeling what he is pushing into my stomach. I looked at him, and just nodded my head. Goodbye Cade.

Clay

After leaving Everley's former home I open my prepay to call Tig to make sure everything is alright with Gemma. As I move to dial the phone it rings, "Jimmy. Where's my kid?"

"She's a sweet one a 'right, a little too much fight in her. That can be dealt wit." Fury that's what I feel unadulterated fury. "Give me back my kid and my grandkid before I hunt you down and kill you. Painfully." Jax was watching me. "I've told you I don't have your grandson. But your daughter is a sweet little tart."

Turning I see Bobby talking on his prepay. "We will find you just remember that." Hanging up I look at Bobby, asking "Precious still with that bounty hunter?" "Yeah, but she hates me. I'm three months back in child support." "Well let's pay her a visit anyway." Moving to my bike I turn to Jax. "We will find them."

"Where have you been?" A petite redhead bursts out of the office as we pull up on our bikes. Heading straight to Bobby's fat boy she starts berating him before he takes his helmet off.

"Precious, I" Bobby holds his hands up as he struggles to get off his bike removing his helmet. Precious just moves around the bike chasing him down.

"Do you know how much Tiki's inhalers cost? You owe me back child support. Back alimony. You deadbeat!" Watching Precious punctuate what Bobby owes with a shove to the chest almost gave me a thrill but we didn't have time for that. Nodding to Jax and Miles to break up the ex-lovers spat I move forward as Jax pulls Miles aside.

"Our kids got kidnapped. No one is looking for them, we were hoping that you could help." Watching Miles eyes widen, "Do you know who took them?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Miles turns to Jax as he nods in collaboration with what I'm saying he rocks back on his heels. "Look you help me with a lead I got on someone who skipped bail, I'll look into it." Lifting his broken arm in a sling as he says, "I could use a little help Leaving Jax with Miles to iron out the details, I dig into my pocket pulling out one of my prepays and recent photo of Everley. Sighing I prepare to take the plunge and hand my balls over to my tempermental old lady when I tell her were bringing my illigetimate traumatized fourteen year old daughter home to raise. She may come back to Charming just to kick my ass.

As Jax, Opie, and Juice go to collect I move to turn my bike back to Charming. "Brother, do you need to talk?" Looking at Bobby I start to open my mouth.

"I don't even know her favorite color." It seems like such a small detail in the scheme of things but the list of what I do know about her is heartbreaking; what I don't is daunting and to be honest I' m scared to hell that when we meet she won't want me.

"I want to get people to make a room for her at the house with Gemma and me, but I don't even know what to paint it. Did she decorate her room or Ava? What did Ava do to support her? Did she know her grandmother hated her?" The dam has broken and every sporatic thought I have ever had about Everley seems to come pouring out of my mouth. I don't think I've spoken this much to anyone about any fears, or insecurities I have had since before I killed JT.

Bobby in his wisdom doesn't try to respond to anything I've said he just pulls out his phone and shows me pictures of Everly's room. "Start here, the rest we'll figure out when we get them back."

I pulled my prepay out to call Gemma. "Baby what's the matter is everything okay, how are my boys?" Damm every time I talk to her it gets harder not to tell her about Abel and Everley. "They're fine, Tara's taking good care of them." Taking a deep breath I say "I have to tell you something. Please let me tell you before you say anything."

"About 14 years ago I was on a run, Jax and I had just gotten into it, so had you and I, I blew of some steam in Vegas." "Her name was Ava, she contacted me to tell me that she was pregnant." I hear Gemma's sharp intake of breath but push on with the story anyway. "Her name is Everley and the Irish have her."

"Jesus Fucking Christ Clay!"

"Where's her mother?" Gemma screeches at me I can almost see her stomping around Nate's house in her spiky heeled boots. "Dead, in Laguna Beach." I feel the rage she was building up to leave her body with her "Oh."

"Where is she?" Gemma asks "Wherever Jimmy O is."

Cade

The hot water spraying on me from the showerhead was great it should have made me feel alive like I felt whenever I was surrounded by water, but I just felt numb. In many ways Abel was my security blanket and he was gone. I don't know what's going to happen to me from here on out. A brothel sounds about as appealing a place to be as a rat infested sewer but if I was going to keep my promise to myself to see my mother's grave I needed my father.

This was all his fault I know that. It is a perturbing feeling to need someone to get you out of a situation that they themselves caused for you. I have never met this man, yet I desperately need him to save me from these men I find myself stuck with. Because of him. How I don't really understand but I know it isn't because of my mother that I am here. It is solely on his shoulders.

Turning I rinse the shampoo out of my hair. Starting to feel like a person instead of a broken animal I step out of the shower wiping the condensation off the glass I see my features. Trying to put myself in the mind of a priest who kidnaps and then apperantly sells children to the highest bidder I wonder if he thinks I'm pretty. It's a disturbing thought. Glancing at the not at all healed bruises on my body I wonder if anyone will ever find me pretty again. Im broken, used up goods. No one is ever going to want me.

Looking in the mirror some nasty part of my brain that sounds a little too much like my grandmother whispers to me that I deserve to be here because I ruined my mothers life and that a brothel is probably too good for me in the first place. I heave a sigh and put on the outfit Jimmy left for me. It is mercifully modest just a pair of sweatpants, underwear, bra and long sleeved t-shirt. Slipping these on I move from the bathroom.

"Ahh, Father Kellan is going to love you." As he plays with my hair he shuffles me along to the couch. "I took ye from your ma so that you could be my leverage against Father Kellan, I want ye to go home with your da." This is news to me "You're not afraid that I can id you?"

"No and even if you did lassie, kidnapping is just one of many charges that the United States Government want me for and they'd have to go through Interpol first. That is if they catch me."

I look down at my hands. "Am I really going to go to Nenas?" Jimmy looks at me and his face turns to stone. "Aye, ye are. I said I want you to go home… but you will be broken when you do." The tiniest bit of hope that I had been holding onto faded and tears started to run down my cheeks. He patted me on the head, "there there sweetie the priest won't like ye if you cry."

Escorting me out of his house on a bluff somewhere I keep my head low as he puts me in the backseat of a black car and drives me about two hours away to a city called "Belfast." "Isn't Belfast true IRA territory?" Jimmy looks back at me and for a second his poker mask slips and I see that I'm right.

"Are you IRA?" for my troubles I get a backhand across the face from Jimmy. "Don't talk about that. At all, you hear me. That is a very easy way to get yourself a one way ticket to Russia."

The deadly calm of his voice is betrayed by the fire and fear living in his eyes. I turn my own to the window and watch the Irish scenary pass me by.

Clay

Hanging up with Gemma is always hard but this time having had to give her some truly shitty news over the phone all I want is for her to be here with me so I can be sure we are alright. I walk into the clubhouse to see Juice practically shaking. "Jax, you're going to want to see this before Clay!"

"See what before me? Huh? Move it Juice." Pushing him out of the way of the laptop I see what he was hiding from me. It's the video. The same one those fuckers sent to me, only now it's edited out Darby's face and Jimmy's voice. "This hit the web around an hour ago." Juice said as he moved away out of range of my anger. I was paralyzed, "who picked this up?" Jax went to the T.V. and started flipping through channels finding it on CNN, MSNBC and FOX. "God dammit! This is crazy shit. Jimmy's going to die for this." At that moment Juice gasps, Jax and I turn to look at him as one and he just turns the computer to us saying "Abel's in Belfast. Everley must be too."

The picture is of Jimmy O dead, left to show the world what an army traitor looks like.

Everley

Mom was never really religious, I mean I guess I am catholic because she had me baptized but we went to church maybe twice a year if we actually thought about it and we didn't. Walking into this cathedral in Belfast I thought that if I could go to church here I would be here every Sunday. As Father Kellan moved into my line of vision I thought, maybe not. Looking down at my feet I gathered up my courage

'"Where's Abel?" I asked staring him straight in the eye. His eyes are deceptively kind as he stares down at me, clearly believing that he carries the moral high ground in this conversation. It makes me bristle in disgust.

"He is waiting for his family to come get him." I stare at him, he seems to be the kind of man who wouldn't lie, but also the kind that would turn the truth into such a riddle that you could never truly trust any answer he gave you.

I felt a tug on the back of my hair, Jimmy's not so subtle reminder to behave before I was shipped to Russia. Looking down at my feet again I fake contrition as I respond " I'm sorry for being rude, I just bonded with him on the journey over and want him to be okay." Looking up at him from under my lashes I channel Carmen hoping to somehow tempt a man of god to keep me around. The insanity of my situation did not elude me.

Rubbing his chin thoughtfully Father Kellan smiled at me. "You're a good girl aren't you?"

"Yes" I respond quietly looking down at my feet shuffling them into the red rug and looking up at him silently waiting for my sentence.

"Nenas for her, Jimmy." Father Kellan looks behind me at my kidnapper, "Jax Teller and the Sons are going to be here soon. Place her there and do not go back."

"aye father" Jimmy looks like the cat that ate the canary as he leads me out of the church.


End file.
